didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
