The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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