summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
