If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
