i'm signing you up for texting rehab
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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