I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
