There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
