i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I checked into jail on foursquare
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize