I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
