if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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