I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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