Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
