I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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