i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
