Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
