I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
