when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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