I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
