3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you had me at cake vodka
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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