At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
