There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
