you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
