no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
