What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
