Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
