Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
