So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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