man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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