the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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