to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
