Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize