Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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