anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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