i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
