I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
