I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
