I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
