Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
