So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
