I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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