you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize