Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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