haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
look no pants
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize