I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
