the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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