Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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