oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
