She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
