Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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