He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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