she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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