Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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