didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
