I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your dad touched me again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
