They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
