Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize