I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
