You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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