You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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