Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
